Where does the one-legged pirate go for breakfast?



On what side of the ship does the pirate not want to be?

The outside


What gets a pirate’s pet lion say?



How does a pirate like his steak?



How does a pirate travel on land?

By Carrrrr


What is a pirate’s favorite store?




The barrrrrrrgains


What do you call a group of pirate ships?

An Arrrrrmada


What’s a pirate say when he can’t find his ship?

Where the heck’s my ship?


What do pirates hate to get stuck in?



What is a pirate’s favorite planet?



How much do you charge a pirate for sweet corn?

A buck an ear


Why don’t pirates play sports?

There’s no AYE in team


What do pirates write with?



Why did the pirate hate golf?

He had a terrible hook


What’s a pirate’s favorite beer?



Where do you find pirates today?



What does a Boston pirate say?



What does a pirate call an open door?



What is the distance form the center of a circle of pirates to the outside?



Why did the pirate fail the test?

It was harrrrrd


What do refined pirates like?



How many ADD pirates does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Want to steal loot


How do pirates know that they are pirates?

They think, therefore they Arrrr


What do you call a pirate with 2 arms, 2 legs and 2 eyes?





A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!


“What do you mean?” the pirate replies, “I’m fine.”


The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”


“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit me leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”


“Yeah,” says the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”


“Well, says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and me hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.”


“Oh,” says the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”


“Well,” says the pirate, “I was walking back to me ship from the surgeon and some birds were flying over the dock. I looked up, and one of them shat in me eye.”


“So,” replied the bartender, “You’re telling me you lost an eye just from some bird poop?!”


“Aye,” says the pirate, “First day with me hook!”




Pirate Jokes, MateS